You know...to be perfectly honest, I don't like sharing a whole lotta feelings here on the blog. Sure surface level, and maybe the level under that...but not the real, everyday, nitty-gritty stuff. At least not the majority of the time.
And I've figured out why.
Because of those who read my blog that know me well...my family, close friends, or even people I see at the Y who may casually reference a blog post of mine.
I don't share the everyday struggles I have because, well...I guess I just don't want to be a complainer. I don't want my mom to be like, "Oh, is that how you really feel? I thought everything was going fine."
Everything IS fine.
In the grand scheme of things, I have absolutely nothing to complain about. Zero.
I simply have challenges that every other person in this world has and I don't feel the need to talk about it on my blog.
Except for today.
Today, I got an answer to a prayer I've had in my heart for weeks now, and I want to talk about it because for one, I want to remember it...and two, if anyone else might be feeling like a duck too, I want them to know they're not alone.
It wasn't any great thing today.
Just a level of satisfaction at the end of the day, that I might have done a more than an okay job.
My house is always a mess (I can live with that), my lack of patience often gets the better of me, we have no idea what we're going to do about our house situation, and I'm dropping balls left and right.
To say my plate is full would be an understatement.
But today, I woke up and prayed that I might be able to be a better momma than I was yesterday. That I might be able to get some "important" things done during nap time, that can't be done otherwise. That I will check my phone less, and be present with my kids more. That our home will be peaceful and a place where the spirit can dwell.
I pray for these things on a daily basis, and have been for a while now.
And today, something was different.
After a grumpy morning feeling overwhelmed with the mile long to-do list I had ahead of me and showing up at my daughter's pre-school to drop her off only to find out that she didn't have school today....
My day took a turn up.
I didn't get everything done. At all. Not even close.
My house is still messy and I still feel really overwhelmed.
But my prayer was answered in such a tender and almost undetectable way.
I looked upon Blakely each time today with such love and adoration...and thought how blessed I am to have such a special daughter.
I was able to spend some alone time with Riley and Tyler Bree when they got home from school, even though today is our busiest and most stressful afternoon of the week.
I was able to keep my patience with a fussy Bennett (possible ear infection?) even thought he is almost never in a bad mood.
I got the "important" stuff done during nap time.
I got to catch up with my mom on the phone.
And I even did the dishes.
All of this may sound completely insignificant, or one may think I just needed an attitude adjustment, but to me...
today I was enough.
And I think feeling enough is all I really needed.
Is it helpful to talk about your daily inner struggles?