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How NOT To Be the Worst Dance Mom Ever

Last weekend was Tyler Bree's first dance competition of the year.  We've done "pre-team" competitions in years prior, but this was the first real deal.  She did great and loved it...thankfully.  We have another one this weekend in San Antonio and then some more coming up in a few weeks.  So basically, I'll be a pro at ballerina buns, false eyelashes, and quick changes come summer.

I've never seen the show "Dance Moms", but I have a feeling that the reality I witness at these competitions are not far from what they portray on the show...meaning, they keep it real.  Aside from kniving moms (which I'm sure there are some, just not on our team), being a dance mom is not for the faint of heart.  It kicks my butt.
Not even kidding.

So you might be wondering, what on Earth could be so challenging about being a little ol' dance could it possibly be anything but cheers and smiles and "Break a leg, Honey!" you might ask...

Well.  There are some seasoned dance mom pros out there, and you better believe I've taken notice.  I've also noticed I have very little dance mom in me.  I know I've claimed to be the worse dance mom ever, but hear me out...that title would be tough to beat if you really knew how this Jansen show runs.  So in my observations last weekend, I came up with a little list of what it would take to up my status from worst dance mom to mediocre dance mom, or dare I say, a pretty good dance mom.

Here's what I've come up with...fellow worst dance moms, take note if you will.

How NOT to be the Worst Dance Mom Ever:

1.  You MUST invest in a rolling makeup, dancewear, and dressingroom studio thingy-ma-jig.  If you've seen one of these, then you'll know I'm not exaggerating in the least.  These babies are equiped with any and everything a dance mom could/would need, including no less than 5 sets of false lashes, liquid hair cement, and an emergency kit to take on any dance fiasco.  Nowhere for your daughter to change?  No worries...just pop up the clothes rack with your shower curtain attached and viola...privacy for your tiny dancer.  Fumbling around a silly bag for bobby pins, safety pins, makeup, and every other dance necessity is just should be right at your organzied fingertips in your very own embroidered dance studio on wheels.
(I used a small Vera Bradley tote...I didn't even get Tyler Bree a team duffle bag.  The shame!)

2.  Plain street clothes are simply unacceptable.  A true dance mom not only purchases a team shirt explicitly displaying whose mom she is (i.e. Tyler Bree's Mom), but it MUST be emblazzonedly bedazzeled as well.  I sure missed the boat on that one.
(I litterally was the ONLY mom without a team mom shirt.  Still holding up that worst mom title with flying colors.)

3.  Dance moms are killer selfie takers.  Okay, so maybe I'm not so bad at this one.  When it's just you and your little performer, who else is going to document all of the fabulousness???

4.  A dance mom must be resourceful and creative...and fully committed.  Last weekend, the team had a super fast costume change and one of the stellar dance moms gave me the genius idea of LAYERING TIGHTS.  Whaaat?  This was life changing to my little dance mom world.  To truly come up with such inventive ideas, you have to fully commit to the dance mom psyche.  A dance mom can't afford to merely contemplate dance a few hours prior (like yours truly)...nope.  It must be a constant stream of dance be ready and able at any moment with a non-makeup-smearing-pre-performance snack or to re-glue wayward rhinestones.  And you never do know when your daughter's tap costume might go missing....yeah, we never did find it.  True story.

5.  And finally, the truest test of dance mom grit is the ability to withstand tears.  Tears due to hair fixing, thirst, hunger, fabricated ailments, lost earrings, fatigue, and most importantly (albeit rarely), tears of other moms.  One must be immune to such pulls of emotions and stay strong.  Dancers can sense a faltering dance mom...they'll turn on those tears at the slightest sign of weakness.  The new dance mom motto should be, "There's NO crying in Dancing!"
(I'd like for it be noted here by the National Dance Mom Association that my daughter, who I was positive would be a sure fire melt down candidate because of the quick costume change, did in fact NOT squirt a single tear last weekend.  And that, my friends, was a dance miracle.)

Fellow dance moms...did I miss anything???

I have a long ways to go

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  1. Tights were the bane of my existence. During recital week, I'd have to have 3 or four extra pairs on hand. Especially suntan tights because our jazz routines always involved rolling on the floor or knee falls, which led to a lot of necessary tight replacements.
    Ohhhh dance.
    Tyler Bree looks great though! She looks like she had a good time. :)

  2. I found myself nodding my head yes throughout this entire post. Those "dance mom" shirts...ahhh!!!! haha. Those are all over the place. I kinda like that you were the only mom not wearing one. I don't know if I could handle all the bedazzling all over me in the back room.

    And so true about the rolling everything.

    I've had many day where I had to layer those tights for performances. So hot...but so worth it. :)

    I think you're doing a great job as dance mom! My mom was just like you....super supportive, but not all in my business about everything (like, not yelling at me for missing a step or constantly by the dance teacher's side, like I saw other moms doing..thank goodness!) and I went on to dance professionally.

    Tyler Bree is adorable!!! (and so is her momma!)

  3. I'm just waiting for my turn to become crazy dance mom. My 3 year old has her first recital this year and she's been asking to do cheer or dance team. So looks like we'll be doing that this fall. Excited but scared bc I'm sure we'll encounter really intense dance moms.

  4. I remember when I was young and did dance competitions. It was so much fun! These pictures definitely brought me back. I think it's a really amazing thing! :)

  5. I was literally laughing out loud. I am just starting out in the mommy dance world with my 3 year old and I am so glad I read this. Now I know what to be prepared for in the future. ~ The Fashionista Momma

  6. You are convincing me that I could NEVER do this in a MILLION YEARS…even for one of my boys. But, way to go TB!

  7. Hehe. I helped my 6 year old daughter in her first dance / ballet group concert last year. I was not insane enough to volunteer as a backstage dresser, but due to her having some health issues before the show I stuck around for the first dress rehearsal to accidently witness some of the funniest unintentional diva-in-training activity (and that was just the mums!!) I have ever encountered. Admittedly I may have been ever so mildly hungover and had little tolerance for drama, but my gosh, it was an eyeopener.....
    Considering this was just a little country town in Australia, I cannot even begin to imagine how over-the-top it must get in bigger arenas!



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