Heartsick Homeowners Anonymous

It is the strangest feeling walking into an empty house in which holds so many of your memories.  Especially after another family has lived in it.

our foyer right before we moved out

For schooling reasons, we are renting out the house we own and renting the house in which we live.  This has been our living situation for the past year and half.  Our first and only renters (so far) moved out today, and I met them to exchange keys, etc.

Walking into that house was like seeing some one with whom I have a special bond, but have lost touch with...and didn't have the opportunity to "catch up".  I love that house.  I love what memories we made there.  Three of my four children were born while we lived there.  We were so happy.  It was our first house and I'm quite emotionally attached to it....if you can't tell.  :)

in our old guest room...gosh, they were babies

Walking through the empty house, several thoughts came to me at once.

First, I felt an overwhelming desire to stay there.  To just walk around and remember.  To go see my kids' heights marked on the inside of the closet.  To go inspect our once full garden.  To just be.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not mistaking these feelings as wanting to move back there.  I most surely don't.  So that's why this is so bizarre.  It's like I'm heartsick for this house.  This house that no longer has our family's smell, but one of another's.
(For some reason, I'm big about scents.  Weird, I know.)

Our renters couldn't have been better.  They took such great care of the house, and I know for a fact we were spoiled as landlords.  Going forward, I thought about who will move in.  I worry that the house will be tainted.  That this might be the last time it's as it was for us.

my girls helping me cook in our old kitchen, circa 2009

And now as I write this with a weighted heart, I feel somewhat hopeful of what's to come.  I know we will get another house of our own.  And make memories there.  Those will be different though, as they'll be memories our children will actually remember.  It will be the house that they "grew up in"...That builds them.

Most people don't get to revisit past homes.  And for that, I'm thankful.  We don't know if we'll keep this as a rental property or not....I'm hoping not, for the sheer fact that I won't have to worry about it not being treated right.  Once it's not ours, I think I can let go.

A 4th Birthday party

(Sheesh, I'm realizing this sounds pretty pathetic, but it's how I feel...and I'm having a nostalgic moment...Or maybe a nostalgic day.)

Have any of you ever experienced such a deep attachment to a home?  Want to commiserate together?
Maybe start a Heartsick Homeowners Anonymous?

With love &

going to go look through some more old picture albums and cry,

The Mrs. & The Momma