Lessons Learned From a Two-Year Old

All of the below conversations with my two-year old happened in one single day.  Today was that day.  And no, I'm not making any of it up.  This girl keeps me busy to say the least.

Me:  "Please use your spoon, not your hand, to eat your yogurt."
Lesson learned:  Yogurt is only for Mommy.  Have you ever tried to get that stuff out of hair, ears, place mats, or under fingernails?

Me:  "No more T.V. today, honey...let's turn it off."  {tantrum ensues}
Lesson learned:  Make it a priority to leave the television off during Curious George.  His behavior is obviously rubbing off on my kids.  Seriously, does the Man With the Yellow Hat never discipline George whenever he breaks rules or screws up the dinosaurs at the museum?!?  George is a bad influence.  I think "curious" is code for "naughty."

Me:  "Are you okay, honey?  Look, you slipped in water again."
Lesson learned:  Keep the water from the fridge door in the locked position at all times.  This lesson can also be applied to whenever she pushes the fridge water with her hand and it sprays her in the face.

Me:  "Please put only your poo-poo and tee-tee in the toilet."
Lesson learned:  Duct tape her diaper together so that she cannot take it off any and every time she "thinks" she has to go potty and then upon realizing she doesn't, throws the whole thing in the toilet.
*This lesson also falls under putting the toilet paper out of her reach unless you have the plumber on speed dial.

Me:  "Sorry honey, we don't have any juice, bars, raisins, crackers, milk, etc."
Lesson learned:  Go to the store and actually be prepared to get ALL the necessities, rather than just Sour Patch watermelons and toilet paper (see above *).

Me:  "Sweetie, where is your other shoe?  Oh, you threw it out of the car while I was loading the groceries, and now it's under that truck parked beside us?"
Lesson learned:  Walk a wide perimeter around the car searching for any wandering/lost/thrown shoe or toy prior to leaving the grocery store parking lot.

Me:  "Shhhhh, you've got to be quiet when your brother is sleeping."  {Cue her loud singing and yelling.}
Lesson learned:  Tell my two-year old to do the opposite of whatever I want in order to get the desired outcome.  However, reverse psychology has never worked on my children....most likely because they are geniuses.  Uh-huh, sure.

The lesson to be learned from all of this is that I absolutely cannot leave my two year old out of my sight, lest she will wreak havoc on anything within her reach....and most likely anything out of her reach as well, particularly if she happens to spot a make-shift stool anywhere in her vicinity.  Ahh, the life of a toddler.

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